When people hear “Roswell, New Mexico” they immediately think of 1947, weather balloons, little green men, and the top-secret military hangers. But if you pack your clubs and head out to the 9-hole courses scattered across the high desert of southeastern New Mexico, you’ll quickly learn that the local sci-fi phenomenon had nothing to do with extraterrestrials. Out there the UFO stands for one thing only: Ugly Flighted Orbs. These were the terrifying, erratic, laws-of-physics defying golf balls launched by our group.
Unlike a sleek, metallic spaceship capable of interstellar travel, and Ugly Flighted Orb is usually an old scuffed-up found ball that has been baked in the desert heat. Playing 9-holes in this region is an exercise in interstellar survival. The fairways aren’t so much “lush green grass” as they are “aggressively optimistic weeds” meaning your ball is going to bounce like a pinball machine. This what you need to prepare for when encountering Ugly Flighted Orbs in the wild:
The Intergalactic Wind: the wind in southeastern New Mexico doesn’t just blow – it recalculates trajectories. You can hit a perfectly struck, beautiful shot, only for a 40 mph gust to catch it and turn it into an UFO mid-air. You look helplessly as the ball enters an adjacent fairway, hits the cart path and bounces straight right, or lands in a pickup truck passing on the right.
The Native Hazards: On a standard course, you worry about sand traps and water. Here, if your UFO lands off the fairway you are dealing with: mesquite bushes that eat golf balls for breakfast; rattlesnakes that will not allow you to play it “as it lies”; and cactus which will happily trade you a lost ball for 60 microscopic needles in your legs.
The real danger of the Ugly Flighted Orb is the “Close Encounter”. Space is a premium on many of these courses, so fairways often run parallel and so close together that you are practically sharing a tee box with strangers. When you hear a faint, panicked yell over the desert wind, you don’t look up to search for flying saucers, you drop to the ground and protect yourself from incoming UFO’s.
Next time you pass through southeastern New Mexico, by all means buy an alien t-shirt, sample an Alien Amber Ale from Sierra Blanca Brewing Company, and visit the museums. But if you want a real thrill, pay a $20 greens fee at a local 9-hole course.
Just remember to keep your head down, your expectations lower, and your eyes peeled for the terrifying, unpredictable Ugly Flighted Orb. The truth is out there…usually about 40 yards deep in a patch of goatheads.
Rockwind Community Links – Hobbs, NM
Winkler County Golf Course – Kermit, TX
Jal Country Club – Jal, NM
Roswell Country Club – Roswell, NM